The 355 (2022)

Score: 2.5 / 5

What's weird about The 355 isn't that it's a bit of a mess (it is) or that it's not as smart as it wants to be (it's not). A generic spy-action movie with little on its mind and some surprisingly immature technique behind the camera should make this a big waste of time. But, given the beauty and talent on screen and a rousing feminist baseline, I had an entertaining and suitably diverting two hours while viewing this flick.

As with all the worst of the genre, The 355 begins with a flash drive containing a program that can access any digital system on the planet, and it's in the hands of a crime lord and burgeoning terrorist (Jason Flemyng). At his compound, a sudden shootout creates chaos until a Colombian intelligence agent (Edgar Ramirez) takes the drive and bolts. This most basic of McGuffins controls the entire plot, which is unfortunately written not by film school students as it seems, but by playwright and television writer Theresa Rebeck and X-Men writer Simon Kinberg (who also directed). Enter protagonist Mace Browne (Jessica Chastain), a CIA operative assigned to purchase the drive, who travels to Paris with her partner Nick (Sebastian Stan) for the liaison. The deal goes south quickly when a German intelligence agent named Marie (Diane Kruger) interferes and the crime lord materializes.

All this takes place in the first 20 minutes or less. It's a smash-bang introduction to a globe-trotting adventure, even as it takes us some time to really understand what's exactly happening. We don't really grasp the drive's significance until much later in the film, when satellites drop from the sky and power grids shut down. There isn't much discussion about what exactly the threat is other than a nebulous existential crisis; the published synopsis of the film suggests the terrorists want to start WWIII, but that's not even really a concern in the dialogue beyond Mace saying it darkly to her team. Then we're quickly introduced to the other players, including Mace's former MI6 colleague and hacker Khadijah (Lupita Nyong'o) and Colombian psychologist Graciela (Penelope Cruz) who is inexplicably sent into the wide world to find the missing agent played by Ramirez.

They're all caricatures more than characters, and that is where the movie lost me. Why assemble such a brilliant cast of magnetic stars and then have them running around shooting at each other? The script doesn't know what to do with them in calmer moments, and it's only through the grace and strength of the actors that the film is watchable. Chastain and Stan have almost no chemistry, although their characters are meant to be lovers, but they're at least interesting in challenging typical power dynamics. Kruger is endlessly badass here, and Nyong'o is never less than fascinating to watch, but Cruz and Ramirez are utterly wasted. Cruz, despite her long history of playing strong, independent women, is relegated to being a deer in headlights, constantly cowering and pleading to return home to her husband and children, and it never feels authentic due to casting (not due to her performance). And the movie doesn't even seem interested in showcasing the traffic-stopping radiance of these women until the final act, a black market auction in Shanghai, where they are finally dressed in gowns (or, you know, a velvet jumpsuit) fit for the queens they are. Oh, and it's not until the climax that the film's final star, Bingbing Fan, shows up to join the team. What a waste.

None of the women have particularly deep characters, and the film is content to let their skills define them. This could -- and maybe should -- subsequently inform the action scenes, of which there are many. If they're shallow enough, they better be kicking ass, right? Not entirely, because the editing and cinematography are so opaque as to be often unreadable. Shaky, handheld cameras that are zoomed in far too closely cut out large portions of the clearly intricate fight choreography, and unbearably quick editing makes the elaborate chases and large battles bewildering and even annoying.

Arguably, the screenplay's best inspiration is to take the traditionally male-dominated genre (sometimes with an iconic woman just for "diversity") and transform it into a group of uniformly badass and diverse women taking control from the men who won't stop mansplaining. And there is truly joy to be had in the camaraderie of this "harem" (as the villain calls them), even though Kinberg does his best to squander it. The scene in which the women all come together, shouting bizarrely rancorous dialogue and pointing guns at each other in a stalemate, was staged, written, and shot so awkwardly that I wanted to cry from disappointment. Compare it to one of the film's best scenes -- when after a victory they lounge, drink beer, and swap stories of prior assignments -- and you can really start to see the actresses shine. I want that movie more than the one we got. I'm sure that is the movie Chastain (also producer of the film) set out to make, and it baffles me that it didn't happen. Chastain has crafted an utterly unique career out of starring as intensely feminist characters almost from her beginning to act, and while this movie fits the bill, I don't think I'll ever understand how all the right ingredients ended up tasting so bland.

But it's still a fun time at the movies, and with awards season ending, it's okay to enjoy just for the sake of enjoyment.