If you know me at all, you know I love shark movies. The endlessly photogenic ocean, lounging beach bodies, and of course the silent, toothy terrors coming from below. Whether these films combine their horror with comedy, science fiction, indie minimalism, or surprising arthouse aesthetics, these movies beautifully round out the summer movie season and lead us into that creepy autumnal season before the Oscar race.
Unfortunately, not all shark movies carry their weight, and The Meg is more of a sinker than a swimmer. A gloriously promising premise -- that, below a natural barrier in the Mariana Trench, prehistoric life continues to thrive -- worthy of Arthur Conan Doyle or Michael Crichton gives way to mindless action and endlessly stupid dialogue paired with absurd plotting and laughably contrived setpieces. The whole thing is a wreck that had me laughing not at its comedy but at its utter lack of enjoyability.
But instead of just lampooning this flick, I'll meditate on what could have been; that is, let's look at some ways this movie might have succeeded on its own terms.
1. Simplify. This is summer blockbuster fare, so treat it as such. The Meg wastes its budget on silly details in its first and third acts. We don't need to spend so much time staring at so much money going into the underwater research facility with its state-of-the-art-appearing lighting and design. The only possible reason for the excess is for that single shot of the megalodon staring at the little girl and then biting the glass tunnel. Instead, we could have spent that money on the action scenes, on better CG imagery, on cinematography that didn't shake and roll so much we can't see what's happening. Or, you know, on screenwriters who know what they're doing.
2. The girl. Really, this is the stroke of genius the movie squandered. Shuya Sophia Cai plays Meiying, the daughter of one of the researchers (badass Suyin Zhang, played by Li Bingbing), whose presence is the sole saving grace of the film. She knows what's up, and her few one-liners steal the movie. Why wouldn't we want to focus on her? Think of it: What if the little girl -- one who self-proclaims to see and hear everything in the research station -- can solve the problem of the giant prehistoric shark? It'd be part of the grand history of monster movies to have a child with her books outsmart the adults with all their guns.
Plus, a focus on the child could help facilitate the three things hinted at but failing in this film: wonder at the vastness of the ocean, comedy regarding the outrageous proceedings, and terror in the form of the Meg. It would also help cut out the insipid subplots that never work: the strained romance between Li Bingbing and leading man Jason Statham, the moneygrubbing annoyance that is Rainn Wilson, and the weirdly contrived elements of everyone else's character.
2. Why so serious? The Meg takes itself far too seriously, considering its bizarre, absurdist presentation. It should have embraced its own hilarity while holding fast to what makes it all so scary. Really, this could have been a delightful romp in the style of Jaws or Piranhas instead of simply stealing plot elements from them and trying to do something action-oriented.
Case in point: As the third act begins, the Meg heads toward a crowded summer beach on Sanya Bay, China. I began giggling uncontrollably, which might not have been a good thing because it's also at this point that the film features a great many Chinese extras for the first time; the film's arguably racist effect of presenting such a ubiquitous Chinese body as shark bait notwithstanding, they're also mostly silly, inconsequentially characterized. My giggling came from my frustrations with the movie up to this point and my eager expectation that -- finally -- we would see the shark movie I had hoped for, complete with the beast ripping through tides of people. Unfortunately, these happened to be non-white people, and so I then felt pangs of guilt for laughing at their inevitable fate.
Despite some admittedly lovely moments in this beach scene -- notably one involving the shark dragging three rafts like bumper boats through the crowded water -- it all fizzles out with still more absurdities treated as high action. What a disaster. Finally, after the beast has been slain and the populace saved, the camera sinks down below the water during the credits (soundtracked by a puzzling Thai version of "Hey Mickey" for no reason), and I stayed for the sole hope of seeing a (SPOILER ALERT) third Meg swim up from the deep. I hoped in vain.
Don't let the promise of a giant prehistoric shark lure you into this movie. Just enjoy the trailer (which is pretty darn fun); it's more artfully made than the film. Or go watch a better shark flick. Rewatch Jaws. Enjoy The Shallows. Torment yourself with Open Water. Treat yourself with 47 Meters Down. And, whatever you do, stay out of the water.
IMDb: The Meg
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