Disenchanted (2022)

Score: 1.5 / 5

The long-awaited and much-anticipated sequel to Disney's 2007 sleeper hit that became a cult classic (if Disney has such things) has finally arrived. Unfortunately, I rather wish it hadn't. Unlike the recent Strange World, which had clear reasons to exist and a vibrant, beating heart to share with audiences, Disenchanted is one of the most vapid and unnecessary viewing experiences I've had all year. The film starts with an annoying recap of Enchanted in cartoon style, narrated by Pip the squirrel, and then launches into an introductory sequence that sees Giselle (Amy Adams) and Robert (Patrick Dempsey) fleeing their apartment in NYC to live in the suburbs.

The first film worked best as a riff on NYC as a place "where there are no happy endings." This film tries to take that a step further with suburbia, but its commentary begins and ends in a single song about the move. Then when the real plot starts, they're basically already there, without any adventuring or navigating that transition. Robert's daughter Morgan (now played by a different actress, Gabriella Baldacchino) is a clichéd grumpy teenager, and the new baby Robert and Giselle have is barely seen and only really exists in order to move them from the city to Monroeville. Their "fixer upper" is actually quite lovely, but Monroeville isn't quite happy ever after territory either. Morgan and Giselle bicker constantly, and the busybody PTA leader Malvina (Maya Rudolph) isn't very hospitable.

Everything is a wreck in this movie, beginning with the screenplay, which simply cannot decide who should be the focus or why. Giselle decides to wish her new home could be more fairytale-esque, and so the next day they wake up in a magical, musical version of life. Malvina and her two henchwomen, meant to be the villains, are woefully flat and their attempts to be funny or menacing are mostly annoying. The King and Queen of Andalasia (James Marsden and Idina Menzel) arrive to see Giselle's new digs, and while it's nice to actually have Menzel sing in this film, the writers overcompensate by giving her multiple songs when she has almost nothing to do with the plot. Giselle's curse backfires a bit by slowly turning herself into a wicked stepmother, and really that's the only interesting part of this movie.

Amy Adams brings her considerable, venerable talents to this material and lifts it enough to make things watchable. And, truly, she's still very good. But she's bogged down at every single turn by weird casting choices around her, a uniquely uninspired screenplay, direction more excited by action and effects than any attention to story or character, and unbearably terrible songs. This last will probably earn me some flak, but Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz phoned in every single song in this film. None are catchy or memorable, and none are usable outside the film because every song makes constant references to characters and setting that are specific to this film alone. Maybe the only repeatable song here is "Love Power," which actually sucks as a standalone piece except that Menzel's awesome voice makes it chillingly beautiful.

I think there's something in here about the danger of making wishes, about the power of memory, about choosing your family and your path in life. But no thematic ideas are carried through to any kind of meaningful conclusion. It's just a mess of nice dancing, pretty singing, cool costumes, and relentless cheap effects. "Happily never after," indeed. If I could get my hands on Giselle's wishing wand, I'd wish this movie had never been made.