Uncharted (2022)

 Score: 2.5 / 5

Anchors aweigh! It feels like ages since we got a swashbuckling adventure movie, and Uncharted delivers on its promise in just about every way. I'm not familiar with the video game series source material, but by some accounts those games are among the most popular and esteemed of Sony's catalog. This movie doesn't always feel like it was adapted from games -- there tends to be a similar aesthetic -- but when it does, it does. We go from occasionally heartfelt drama to galleons flying through the air, so you have to suspend a lot of expectation for realism, but this movie reminded me more closely of National Treasure with a dash of Indiana Jones thrown in. Not terribly smart, but a lot of fun, and we get some eye candy along the way.

Directed by Ruben Fleischer (Venom, Gangster Squad), the film opens with a bang: Tom Holland -- looking not unlike Brendan Fraser in The Mummy -- clinging to supply boxes dangling out of a cargo plane. We're suddenly shifted to Holland as a young boy, and we learn his character is Nate Drake, as he attempts to steal an artifact from a museum with his older brother. Once caught, his brother is kicked out and promises to return to Nate. Apparently that doesn't happen, as we jump ahead fifteen years to Nate bartending and pickpocketing his patrons. It's an odd casting choice; obviously Holland is eminently bankable, but his boyish good looks and higher voice don't quite match the ruff and rugged vibe of the Drake character. He tries, bless him, by wearing leather and bulking up a lot from his Spider-man look, but he can't quite shake the impression that he is playing dress-up as an adventure hero. His sleight of hand is more in line with Oliver Twist than his badassery is with Lara Croft. 

At his bar, he's approached by Mark Wahlberg -- frankly, looking and acting exactly as I expect Holland will one day -- and the story proper gets underway. Wahlberg's character Sully recently was exploring with Nate's brother and together they stole an old diary promising to lead them to an ancient treasure from Magellan's historic voyage. Globetrotting and stealing are both easy enough for these two (surprising if they're merely thieves), though they have a rocky start when it comes to trusting each other. Once they cross paths with Chloe (beautiful and talented Sophia Ali), an old teammate of Sully's, things really get going quickly, and I lost track of the plot's intricacies. Or perhaps I should say complexities, because there's very little that's intricate in this film.

It's a muscly, rollicking adventure from start to finish, and it works hard to overcome the typical video-game-adaptation problem of not having enough heart. There are many "emotional" scenes in this film that seem catered to Holland's penchant for teary-eyed stares, and for the most part they help disguise the feeling of action obsession. But between some truly outrageous set pieces -- when we get to the completely bonkers cargo plane episode, the auditorium was bubbling with audible laughter rather than gasps or cheers -- and a lackluster villain, this movie reveals that there's just not much substance to be enjoyed. I mean, Antonio Banderas is the villain, and it feels like he's in about three scenes before he's suddenly and bloodlessly dispatched. I couldn't help but feel his part was probably truncated by at least half. Then again, his main minion (Tati Gabrielle) is never less than entrancing to watch.

It's also decidedly safe in terms of content for a PG-13 movie. Not just in terms of sex or violence, although precious little of either is present here, but even in terms of plot, character, and humor. There are so few earned laughs in this movie that I think most of it was played earnestly; for something so laughable, it should be riotously funny. But it's rarely humorous, and rarely very serious, which makes the flavor of the whole film -- felt most strongly in its meandering middle section -- tepid and vague. There's also precious little that grounds the film in reality visually, as so much relies on digital effects and green screens that it occasionally felt like we were actually watching a video game on a huge screen. Perhaps some more world building, character development, or even a simpler and more fleshy plot would have done the trick. Perhaps playing the game is a better investment. I'll leave that for others to determine, but I had an entertainingly diverting two hours with this picture.